After writing about my loneliness and situations that make me feel lonely, I decided to look for some help. So I searched the web and found an article in Psychology Today called, “The Cure for Loneliness” by Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.d. Here is the link to the article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-science-success/201010/the-cure-loneliness
In this article the author suggests 4 strategies for dealing with loneliness, and I summarize them below.
The first strategy is to improve your social skills. These skills include how to take part in conversations, getting comfortable with silences in conversations, talking on the phone, and giving and taking compliments. The author lists other social skills as well. The purpose of these skills is to make you feel l less awkward in conversations.
The second strategy is to get professional help, especially if your loneliness is the result of some major change in your life like losing your job, getting divorced or moving away.
The third strategy is to look for or create situations for meeting people and socializing. One example is to become part of a group or organization. You can also find meet-ups on line that focus on certain interests such as yoga, meditation, being an entrepreneur etc. Here is a link for meet-ups in Northern NJ:
https://www.meetup.com/topics/northern-new-jersey/
The final strategy is to change your “maladaptive” or negative thinking. The article suggests that lonely people tend to focus on the negative and expect the worst results to happen in situations. Sometimes when you expect the worst to happen, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and the worst actually does happen. Then you become reluctant to go back to that situation. An example is expecting to have a bad time at a party and then having a bad time. Afterwards you may not want to go to another party or a party like the one you just went to.
In the article the author suggests that out of her 4 strategies for curing loneliness, the most effective one is to change your negative thinking. You basically need to train yourself to think more positively.
My Thoughts on the Article, “The Cure for Loneliness“
I found this article to be useful. First of all, improving my social skills would be helpful to me. When I talk with one person or when I’m in a group, my voice and body become shaky and I stutter. This is mostly due to my social anxiety. I believe that if I practice talking about various topics of conversation, almost like a rehearsal, I could do better in social situations. I also need to speak louder and with more confidence. The issue is finding someone to practice with like a significant other or family member.
Another very important social skill which the article doesn’t mention is to be a good listener. Many people like to talk about themselves and look for someone who will listen to them. Then you can follow up with questions about what they’re talking about which shows that you’re interested in what they’re saying. When you show interest in others, people think that you’re more interesting.
In terms of seeking professional help, I would suggest talking with your primary care physician first and asking them for referrals. If you find that you’re paralyzed in social situations, perhaps getting professional help is a good first step. There may be support groups that can help you as well.
Finding places where there are people to socialize with is a good idea. If you have certain interests like playing chess or card games, bike riding, hiking, etc. there may be groups you can go to. I also mentioned meet-ups above. However, if you’re very shy this may not be easy to do. You may need some extra help to accomplish this task.
I really like the strategy of changing negative thinking. I’m definitely the resident pessimist in my house. You probably will have to re-train yourself to think in a more positive way. I’ve learned about techniques such as mindfulness or staying in the present, giving the present priority over the past or future. Another strategy is to flip your negative thought into a positive one.
There are support groups for loneliness and social anxiety but I’m not familiar with them. I found several on Google and I would suggest looking there. I can recommend the Comfort Zone however, which is a support group for people with depression and bipolar disorder. (see reference on Resources page.)
What have you done to help yourself with loneliness? Have you tried any of the above strategies?
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