Not fitting in or thinking that you don’t fit in can make you feel lonely. It could be not fitting in to a group, a situation, with another person, society in general, etc. You may not fit in or believe that you don’t fit in because of things like your age, appearance, job status, your opinions, etc. My age is a big not fitting in factor for me.
I really feel that I don’t fit in with most of the mothers of my daughter’s friends because of my age. I’m 57 and my daughter is 10. We brought her home at 3 months when I was 47, and her adoption was finalized when I was 48. Most of the mothers I meet are in their 30’s and 40’s so I’m definitely much older than they are. In fact, some of them are young enough to be my daughter! They also gave birth to their children while I didn’t. Age was one reason we adopted our daughter; I was too old to have a baby.
This wide age difference impacts my life as a mother! I can’t do certain things or I don’t do them well enough the way younger mothers can. I can’t run or walk as fast to catch up with my daughter. I don’t jump on a trampoline the way they do. I don’t last as long at the park, pool, birthday parties, play dates, etc. I’m also not as technologically literate as they are.
My memories go back much farther than those of many adults in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. I was born in 1963 so I experienced some of the notorious 60’s. I was actually born the day before President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. I remember watching the Vietnam War on our kitchen tv. I remember watching the reruns of I Love Lucy on tv. (channel 5?) I know about Watergate, the gas shortage, the Bay City Rollers, non-coed gym and playing in the bomb shelter in the basement of my elementary school. One particular thing that really bothers me is when younger people don’t know about the Beatles!
I don’t fit in with some of my peers either. Some of them have children in college while my daughter is in elementary school. Others have children who are married and have children themselves. So some of my peers are grandparents! I am old enough to be my daughter’s grandmother. Some people who don’t know me think that I am her grandmother! I’ve thought of telling them that I am actually her great grandmother.
A few years ago I started a Facebook group called the “Older Moms Group” with the hope of meeting people in the same boat as me. So I created my own group to fit into and where others could fit in too. It turned out that there were only 2 members in the group: my friend and myself. I soon abandoned the group. I think that many older moms don’t want to be labeled that way or belong to a group labeled that way.
Some days when I’m in a good mood, I think it’s kind of neat to not fit in, like being a square peg in a round hole. I believe that I’m kind of a trailblazer in this way. I also wonder why I feel that I have to fit in? Is it FOMO (fear of missing out)?I Is it a fear of standing out and standing alone which can lead to feeling lonely?
Do you ever feel like you don’t fit in? Why?
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