Although I’m still in my 50’s, I’m 57 to be exact, I have a great deal to write about up to this point in my 50’s. The number “50” was scary to me. For one thing, I began to receive mail from AARP (American Association of Retired People) which is a misnomer since many people who are members of this group are working and aren’t retired at all! Also, when I think of “retirement”, I think of people much older than 50. Anyway I haven’t joined AARP yet.

Not only did I receive mail from AARP, but also from cemeteries and mausoleums! Well if I did’t feel old yet, I sure felt old now! I think that my parents actually received their cemetery plots as wedding presents! Very thoughtful and practical gifts, I guess.

Well enough about being in my 50’s and death! Instead, let’s talk about some miracles that occurred in my life in this decade…

At the age of 50, my kidneys were starting to fail. This was mostly due to my having had Type I Diabetes for more than 40 years and not controlling my blood sugar very well at certain times in my life. In Type I Diabetes, the pancreas doesn’t produce any of the hormone, insulin which metabolizes sugar (glucose) in your blood stream. Your body uses glucose for energy. This unmetabolized sugar in your blood then begins to break down the blood vessels in your body, especially the ones in your kidneys, retina (eye), brain, and nerves. Diabetics are more prone to strokes and heart attacks too.

My husband and me 2 days after our kidney transplant

What do the kidneys do? “Your kidneys remove wastes and extra fluid from your body. Your kidneys also remove acid that is produced by the cells of your body and maintain a healthy balance of water, salts, and minerals—such as sodium, calcium, phosphorus, and potassium—in your blood (Google).” They then produce urine with these substances. .

When I was in kidney failure, I was tired all the time and used to take at least 2 long naps daily. My daughter was 4 years old at the time and I didn’t have the energy to play and run after her. I was cold all of the time and had a metallic taste in my mouth from the toxins that weren’t being removed by my kidneys.

So I needed a kidney transplant or would soon have to go on dialysis. The plan was for me to get both a kidney and a pancreas from a deceased donor so that I could cure my diabetes for a time while getting a functioning kidney. But I couldn’t wait long enough for a deceased donor before I needed to go on dialysis .

Then a miracle occurred! My husband offered to donate one of his healthy kidneys to me, but first he had to be tested to see if he was a match to me. And he was a match! So in May 2015 I got one of his kidneys and it worked right away in my body. I felt so much better after the surgery. I had much more anergy and I didn’t have the metallic taste in my mouth. I was much more able to take care of my daughter. What a blessing this was for our family!

A few months after my transplant however, my depression intensified and it brought along its good friend – ANXIETY! I’ve heard it said that “Anxiety is the flip side of depression.” I really never had such severe anxiety before. Plus one of the psychiatrists at Hackensack University Medical Center (HUMC) put me on Pristiq for depression, which made my anxiety much worse. I couldn’t eat. I paced the floors. I cried when my husband had to leave to go to work. And I had the shakes.

Finally I was hospitalized in the Psych Unit at HUMC for about 10 days. I actually had to stay 2 days in the Emergency Room first because there were no beds available in the Psych Ward. In the Psych Ward I went off of Pristiq and I believe I started Buspar for the anxiety and went back on Zoloft for the depression. When I came home from the hospital, I still had anxiety but it wasn’t as severe as before. I have had both anxiety and depression ever since then though.

So my depression and anxiety continued but they were manageable for the most part. I was however, having a great deal of difficulty managing my diabetes. My blood sugars fluctuated from being very hight to very low. I was trying to control them as best as I could by using an insulin pump and taking insulin shots to supplement the pump. It wasn’t working very well and so my diabetologist felt that I needed a pancreas transplant.

“The pancreas is an organ located in the abdomen. It plays an essential role in converting the food we eat into fuel for the body’s cells. The pancreas has two main functions: an exocrine function that helps in digestion and an endocrine function that regulates blood sugar (https://columbiasurgery.org/pancreas/pancreas-and-its-functions).”

I had a pancreas transplant in May 2018. The pancreas was donated by the family of a young man 19 years of age who died after being hit by a car while riding his bicycle. The pancreas started producing insulin almost right away so that I no longer had Type I Diabetes, at least for 10 years if not more! Up to this point I had Diabetes for 46 years!

Another miracle for me and my family! When my blood sugars were so out of control I would feel very tired and extremely irritable. I was not at all easy to live with. My moods evened out with my new pancreas. I didn’t have to do any finger sticks to find out what my blood sugar was. I could theoretically eat whatever I wanted to eat, except for a diabetic complication, gastroparesis getting in the way. (The nerves in my stomach were damaged from years of diabetes and didn’t move food along the digestive system well.)

However, a few months after my pancreas transplant, my depression and anxiety intensified again. I was in such bad shape that I ended up being hospitalized at HUMC at Mountainside 3 times. I also attended their Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) 3 times. It’s been almost 2 years though since I was in the IOP.

This time I was put on Escitalopram (Lexipro), Bupropion (Wellbutrin), and Atomoxetine (Stratera), not all at once though. The Lexipro came first, then the Wellbutrin, and finally Stratera. I’ve been on this “cocktail” of meds for almost 2 years and it has worked fairly well, up to now.

I decided with my psychiatrist to go off of Lexipro and go on Prozac. So I am back with my old friend, Prozac since it had worked very well for me in the past. I’m hoping that since I haven’t been on Prozac in a while, it will work again and I’ll feel better.

It’s very frightening to me when my psych meds aren’t working and so I have to try other ones. One of the main problems is that for many of these meds, it can take a few weeks before you feel any effect. I’m hoping that the placebo effect of knowing that I’m on Prozac will help me feel better before the Prozac kicks in.

Why would my depression and anxiety intensify after having had a kidney transplant and then after a pancreas transplant? I believe that it has to do with both transplants being such big changes in my life. As far as the kidney transplant, I was living with kidney failure for about 1 1/2 years, and probably with damaged kidneys for much longer than that. In terms of the pancreas transplant, I got rid, at least for 10 to 20 years of a disease that I had for 46 years. Both kidney failure and Type I Diabetes require you to change your way of life. Taking care of diabetes becomes your way of life. And then with the pancreas transplant and a working pancreas afterwards, it no longer is your way of life.

Much more has happened in my 50’s than I wrote about here, but I will share these events in other articles under different topics.

Have you experienced any miracles or major changes in your life? How did it affect you?