In my 30’s I managed to achieve some of what I consider to be “milestones” and suffered some losses while muddling through my depression and binge eating. (At the present time, I usually refer to myself as a “recovering food addict” because I haven’t binged in over 2 years , and food is the substance I abuse when not in recovery.)
Fortunately, my depression was mostly stable in my 30’s thanks to Prozac and the NY psychiatrist who managed it. There were very stressful times however, when more severe symptoms of my depression reappeared. These included my father’s illness and subsequent death, graduate school, getting married, and finding out that I couldn’t have a baby due to complications from my Diabetes.
I studied Speech/Language Pathology in graduate school largely because my Dad’s speech and language abilities were badly impaired after he had mini strokes. I thought that I could help him but I couldn’t. Unfortunately my Dad passed away just as I was starting my first full semester in grad school. I was very close with my Dad and still miss him today. I remained in this program until I dropped out about 3 years later.
I binged a lot in grad school to “help” me get through the great amount of reading, memorization, and papers I had to do. My depression bounced around but I was mostly stable; and the grief and sadness I felt after my Dad’s death were to be expected. Sometimes when I had a lot of work to do at the same time I would get depressed, but not to the point of a major depression. I moved between academic work and a corporate setting a few times during this time of my life.
In 1999 I met my future husband “J” when I was 35 and he was 29. At first I was freaked out about our age difference and was afraid to tell him. I assumed we should stop dating over the age difference but J assured me the difference didn’t bother him. Neither did my diabetes or depression. He also became aware of my binging. He was worried about my health but didn’t break up with me. He even came with me to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting because he felt that he was eating too much.
Dating and getting married to J was very stressful because my Mom didn’t approve of him and implied that I was a “fallen woman” for staying over at his apartment. But I was in my mid 30’s at the time and an adult! But, I still lived at home which probably was one of the main reasons for this problem. Also, my Mom was very old-fashioned; she came of age in the 1950’s.
In 2000 J and I got married, and from that point on my Mom approved of J and came to love him. He became my co-pilot with all of my medical problems and my depression. He came with me to most of my doctors’ appointments and advocated for me. He handled my Depression very well but wasn’t thrilled with my binging. He always knew when I had binged because he said I acted like I was drunk or hung over. I was drunk – drunk on carbs, especially sugar.
We eventually decided that we wanted to start a family. Since I had many health problems such as Type I Diabetes and all of its complications like hypertension and high cholesterol, I had to see a high risk OB/GYN. The doctor told us all of the horror stories about what could happen to me and the baby if I became pregnant. Interestingly and confusingly though, at the end of his discussion he said that I could also have a healthy pregnancy and baby after all. He said this because he had some patients who had my problems and still had a healthy pregnancy.
This situation was very depressing and scary. J was worried about my life and that of the baby’s. I could die or become disabled and so could the baby if we became pregnant. So from then on we decided we would adopt a child if at all possible. We did this in my 40’s.
So I basically binged my way through my 30’s and handled my depression thanks to medication.
Next up…the 40’s.
How are or were your 30’s?
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