In my blog I’ve written a great deal about my depression and anxiety throughout my life so I thought it was time to write about what has helped me with depression and anxiety. One of the best tools for me throughout the years has been exercise.
Me doing cardio boxing in our basement “gym”.
You probably hear all of the time that you should exercise and that it’s good for your health and well being – your heart, your bones, weight loss, etc. There has been much research done to verify the benefits of exercise on physical health. There has also been much research, however on the benefits of exercise on mental health such as on depression and anxiety.
The article discusses how exercise releases endorphins (chemicals resembling cannabis released by your body that make you feel good). Exercise also helps to give you confidence especially about your appearance, and make you feel like you’ve accomplished something. It can help you meet people and help take your mind off of your worries. It is a positive coping strategy compared to negative ones like substance abuse.
The article discusses the difference between “exercise” and “physical activity”. Exercise includes activities such as running and lifting weights that get your heart pumping. These activities help improve your mood. But physical activities such as gardening, washing your car and walking around your block can also improve your mood. “Any physical activity that gets you off the couch and moving can help improve your mood.”
My exercise is usually walking on the treadmill or outside, weight training and cardio boxing. Tennis used to be my sport but I have a great deal of trouble playing tennis due to my impaired vision (mostly caused by my Type I Diabetes).
I usually work out in our basement which is equipped with a treadmill, exercise bicycle, elliptical trainer, punching bag, and free weights. We’ve accumulated this equipment gradually over the 16 years we’ve lived in our house. I feel very fortunate that we have this equipment in our basement. We used to join the Y or gyms, use them for a few weeks and then stop and cancel our membership.
But with our “home gym” I can literally roll out of bed, walk down to the basement and start working out. I currently don’t do this though due to other responsibilities like helping my daughter get off to school. I also need to eat breakfast before I work out. But it’s a nice idea though!
I try to exercise every day by walking on the treadmill every other day and weight training and cardio boxing on the days in between. My main problem with exercise is my depression trying to convince me not to do it because I’m too tired, don’t feel like it, and that I should stay on the couch. Luckily I usually manage to push through these thoughts and work out. But it isn’t easy at all!
My exercise helps me with anxiety too. When I was at my worst with anxiety and I would call my husband at work, he would convince me to hop on the treadmill. I was so anxious that I wouldn’t even change into workout clothes. Even if I walked 10 minutes it helped ease my anxiety somewhat.
I recommend reading the book,Depression Hates a Moving Target by Nita Sweeney. She writes about her bouts with depression and how running has helped her with them. Running has actually helped decrease her need for higher doses of her depression meds.
I also recommend a song and video written and performed by my husband, entitled “Run With My Troubles.” In this song he sings about how running has helped him with his own depressed and anxious feelings. Here is the video:
Has exercise helped you or someone you know with mood issues?
Although I’m still in my 50’s, I’m 57 to be exact, I have a great deal to write about up to this point in my 50’s. The number “50” was scary to me. For one thing, I began to receive mail from AARP (American Association of Retired People) which is a misnomer since many people who are members of this group are working and aren’t retired at all! Also, when I think of “retirement”, I think of people much older than 50. Anyway I haven’t joined AARP yet.
Not only did I receive mail from AARP, but also from cemeteries and mausoleums! Well if I did’t feel old yet, I sure felt old now! I think that my parents actually received their cemetery plots as wedding presents! Very thoughtful and practical gifts, I guess.
Well enough about being in my 50’s and death! Instead, let’s talk about some miracles that occurred in my life in this decade…
At the age of 50, my kidneys were starting to fail. This was mostly due to my having had Type I Diabetes for more than 40 years and not controlling my blood sugar very well at certain times in my life. In Type I Diabetes, the pancreas doesn’t produce any of the hormone, insulin which metabolizes sugar (glucose) in your blood stream. Your body uses glucose for energy. This unmetabolized sugar in your blood then begins to break down the blood vessels in your body, especially the ones in your kidneys, retina (eye), brain, and nerves. Diabetics are more prone to strokes and heart attacks too.
My husband and me 2 days after our kidney transplant
What do the kidneys do? “Your kidneys remove wastes and extra fluid from your body. Your kidneys also remove acid that is produced by the cells of your body and maintain a healthy balance of water, salts, and minerals—such as sodium, calcium, phosphorus, and potassium—in your blood (Google).” They then produce urine with these substances. .
When I was in kidney failure, I was tired all the time and used to take at least 2 long naps daily. My daughter was 4 years old at the time and I didn’t have the energy to play and run after her. I was cold all of the time and had a metallic taste in my mouth from the toxins that weren’t being removed by my kidneys.
So I needed a kidney transplant or would soon have to go on dialysis. The plan was for me to get both a kidney and a pancreas from a deceased donor so that I could cure my diabetes for a time while getting a functioning kidney. But I couldn’t wait long enough for a deceased donor before I needed to go on dialysis .
Then a miracle occurred! My husband offered to donate one of his healthy kidneys to me, but first he had to be tested to see if he was a match to me. And he was a match! So in May 2015 I got one of his kidneys and it worked right away in my body. I felt so much better after the surgery. I had much more anergy and I didn’t have the metallic taste in my mouth. I was much more able to take care of my daughter. What a blessing this was for our family!
A few months after my transplant however, my depression intensified and it brought along its good friend – ANXIETY! I’ve heard it said that “Anxiety is the flip side of depression.” I really never had such severe anxiety before. Plus one of the psychiatrists at Hackensack University Medical Center (HUMC) put me on Pristiq for depression, which made my anxiety much worse. I couldn’t eat. I paced the floors. I cried when my husband had to leave to go to work. And I had the shakes.
Finally I was hospitalized in the Psych Unit at HUMC for about 10 days. I actually had to stay 2 days in the Emergency Room first because there were no beds available in the Psych Ward. In the Psych Ward I went off of Pristiq and I believe I started Buspar for the anxiety and went back on Zoloft for the depression. When I came home from the hospital, I still had anxiety but it wasn’t as severe as before. I have had both anxiety and depression ever since then though.
So my depression and anxiety continued but they were manageable for the most part. I was however, having a great deal of difficulty managing my diabetes. My blood sugars fluctuated from being very hight to very low. I was trying to control them as best as I could by using an insulin pump and taking insulin shots to supplement the pump. It wasn’t working very well and so my diabetologist felt that I needed a pancreas transplant.
“The pancreas is an organ located in the abdomen. It plays an essential role in converting the food we eat into fuel for the body’s cells. The pancreas has two main functions: an exocrine function that helps in digestion and an endocrine function that regulates blood sugar (https://columbiasurgery.org/pancreas/pancreas-and-its-functions).”
I had a pancreas transplant in May 2018. The pancreas was donated by the family of a young man 19 years of age who died after being hit by a car while riding his bicycle. The pancreas started producing insulin almost right away so that I no longer had Type I Diabetes, at least for 10 years if not more! Up to this point I had Diabetes for 46 years!
Another miracle for me and my family! When my blood sugars were so out of control I would feel very tired and extremely irritable. I was not at all easy to live with. My moods evened out with my new pancreas. I didn’t have to do any finger sticks to find out what my blood sugar was. I could theoretically eat whatever I wanted to eat, except for a diabetic complication, gastroparesis getting in the way. (The nerves in my stomach were damaged from years of diabetes and didn’t move food along the digestive system well.)
However, a few months after my pancreas transplant, my depression and anxiety intensified again. I was in such bad shape that I ended up being hospitalized at HUMC at Mountainside 3 times. I also attended their Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) 3 times. It’s been almost 2 years though since I was in the IOP.
This time I was put on Escitalopram (Lexipro), Bupropion (Wellbutrin), and Atomoxetine (Stratera), not all at once though. The Lexipro came first, then the Wellbutrin, and finally Stratera. I’ve been on this “cocktail” of meds for almost 2 years and it has worked fairly well, up to now.
I decided with my psychiatrist to go off of Lexipro and go on Prozac. So I am back with my old friend, Prozac since it had worked very well for me in the past. I’m hoping that since I haven’t been on Prozac in a while, it will work again and I’ll feel better.
It’s very frightening to me when my psych meds aren’t working and so I have to try other ones. One of the main problems is that for many of these meds, it can take a few weeks before you feel any effect. I’m hoping that the placebo effect of knowing that I’m on Prozac will help me feel better before the Prozac kicks in.
Why would my depression and anxiety intensify after having had a kidney transplant and then after a pancreas transplant? I believe that it has to do with both transplants being such big changes in my life. As far as the kidney transplant, I was living with kidney failure for about 1 1/2 years, and probably with damaged kidneys for much longer than that. In terms of the pancreas transplant, I got rid, at least for 10 to 20 years of a disease that I had for 46 years. Both kidney failure and Type I Diabetes require you to change your way of life. Taking care of diabetes becomes your way of life. And then with the pancreas transplant and a working pancreas afterwards, it no longer is your way of life.
Much more has happened in my 50’s than I wrote about here, but I will share these events in other articles under different topics.
Have you experienced any miracles or major changes in your life?How did it affect you?
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