My depression continued past my high school years into and throughout my 20’s. After I graduated from high school, I didn’t start college right away; I waited a year. Today that’s not so unusual with the “gap year” some students take, but in the early 80’s it was. Again I felt ashamed not only about my depression but also about not continuing on to college like most of my peers did.
Basically my depression changed the timeline of my life from that of most of my peers so that I ended up behind them in most of the milestones of early adulthood. I started and graduated from college later than they did so that I got my first real job later than they did as well. Also, getting married and starting a family was much later, although some of them may not have married and/or had a family. Many of my peers now have children in college or married with their own children. Some of them are even grandparents. I’m raising a daughter, however, who is 10.
Since I didn’t go to college right after high school, I needed something to do. I was still depressed and binge eating like crazy. My parents and just about everyone else felt that I should get a job to get out of the house. I thought of getting a job in a retail store, but when I got a job, I lost my nerve to start it. I needed something else.
My sister was raising her baby at this time and seeing him always brightened me up. So my dad thought of me working with children. I ended up volunteering in a preschool and, although it was awkward at first, I loved it. The kids were adorable and very loving, most of the teacher were nice to me, and I got into doing arts and crafts there. I came up with arts and crafts projects to do with the kids, helped teachers decorate their bulletin boards, and made the kids presents at the end of the school year. I even thought of majoring in commercial art in college. I wasn’t taking any medications at that time but this experience was very therapeutic. It definitely raised me out of my depression. I still binged though.
I started college in 1982 at age 19 at a very local college 5 minutes from my house. My parents were afraid of sending me away to school because of my depression, and I was afraid too. This was a good decision because I had periods of pretty severe depression in college so that I had to drop out of school. I basically floated in and out of college dealing with depression until I graduated in 1988. I went to my college graduation, especially since I didn’t go to my high school graduation.
In my 20’s I changed psychiatrists to a woman whom I could relate to better than the male psychiatrist I first had. She was the first doctor who actually got me out of my depression by giving me the medication Norpramine (Desipramine). I felt the dark clouds lift and soon I was so much more like myself. The only problem with this medication was that it made me gain a lot of weight as did my binging. As a result I didn’t like the way I looked and I wouldn’t go to any of the social activities at my school, like dances, etc. I did go to France with a trip organized by my French professor though. Besides that I really missed out on the social scene at college and I regret that today.
My first real job was working in the File Room of a large law firm. At that time I thought that I wanted to be a lawyer like my father. But I felt very intimidated by the LSAT’s or SAT’S having to do with being able to make it through law school. I dropped out of the preparatory course for taking the LSAT’s and ended up not becoming a lawyer. The preparatory course totally psyched me out.
One of the best jobs I had in my 20’s and into my 30’s was working in a customer service position for a credit and marketing company. I learned how credit and marketing worked, a lot of data entry skills and how to handle customers on the phone. I was also very lucky to work with several ladies who turned out to be good friends. I’ve lost touch with them, but I’ll never forget them. I later left this company to go on to graduate school in my 30’s.
I also changed psychiatrists again during college to a NY psychiatrist famous for writing a book about using Lithium to treat bipolar disorder. He gave lithium to his patients as well. What was really remarkable about him was that he had Type I Diabetes like me so that we could compare notes on how we handled it. What I didn’t find helpful with him was that he often referred to my “obesity” which wasn’t a really good mood lifter. Luckily he was also involved with research on new antidepressants, like Prozac at the time, and he suggested that I go on Prozac almost as soon as it came out. I started Prozac during my final semester in college and like Norpramine it helped clear the dark clouds and made me feel like myself, except with no weight gain! Instead I lost weight.
I also had my first boyfriend at age 29. I was very delayed socially mostly because of my mental illness. More on him in my next article about my 30’s.
What was your 20’s like?
Recent Comments