Not fitting in or thinking that you don’t fit in can make you feel lonely. It could be not fitting in to a group, a situation, with another person, society in general, etc. You may not fit in or believe that you don’t fit in because of things like your age, appearance, job status, your opinions, etc. My age is a big not fitting in factor for me.
I really feel that I don’t fit in with most of the mothers of my daughter’s friends because of my age. I’m 57 and my daughter is 10. We brought her home at 3 months when I was 47, and her adoption was finalized when I was 48. Most of the mothers I meet are in their 30’s and 40’s so I’m definitely much older than they are. In fact, some of them are young enough to be my daughter! They also gave birth to their children while I didn’t. Age was one reason we adopted our daughter; I was too old to have a baby.
This wide age difference impacts my life as a mother! I can’t do certain things or I don’t do them well enough the way younger mothers can. I can’t run or walk as fast to catch up with my daughter. I don’t jump on a trampoline the way they do. I don’t last as long at the park, pool, birthday parties, play dates, etc. I’m also not as technologically literate as they are.
My memories go back much farther than those of many adults in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. I was born in 1963 so I experienced some of the notorious 60’s. I was actually born the day before President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. I remember watching the Vietnam War on our kitchen tv. I remember watching the reruns of I Love Lucy on tv. (channel 5?) I know about Watergate, the gas shortage, the Bay City Rollers, non-coed gym and playing in the bomb shelter in the basement of my elementary school. One particular thing that really bothers me is when younger people don’t know about the Beatles!
I don’t fit in with some of my peers either. Some of them have children in college while my daughter is in elementary school. Others have children who are married and have children themselves. So some of my peers are grandparents! I am old enough to be my daughter’s grandmother. Some people who don’t know me think that I am her grandmother! I’ve thought of telling them that I am actually her great grandmother.
A few years ago I started a Facebook group called the “Older Moms Group” with the hope of meeting people in the same boat as me. So I created my own group to fit into and where others could fit in too. It turned out that there were only 2 members in the group: my friend and myself. I soon abandoned the group. I think that many older moms don’t want to be labeled that way or belong to a group labeled that way.
Some days when I’m in a good mood, I think it’s kind of neat to not fit in, like being a square peg in a round hole. I believe that I’m kind of a trailblazer in this way. I also wonder why I feel that I have to fit in? Is it FOMO (fear of missing out)?I Is it a fear of standing out and standing alone which can lead to feeling lonely?
Do you ever feel like you don’t fit in? Why?
Yes!!! Always and Forever a ‘mis-fit’.
Your blog has reminded me how blessed I was to have our band of misfits…
Now, as an older misfit- grateful to have a ‘little job’ (unskilled labor), while many people of my age have built careers and prepare to enjoy retirement. I don’t fit in. I wonder if I ever could have…in the meantime I’d like to believe I can spot other lonely misfits from way down the road…Sometimes, just sometimes ,it seems like a candle in the window …
Thank you so much for commenting on my blog and sharing how you feel. I really cherished our “band of misfits” too and I wish I kept in touch. I miss you guys very much. It would be great to be back in touch now.
Please be proud of your “misfit status”. I’ve come to believe that it’s better not to fit in than to be like everyone else.
Amy, I’m so proud of you for doing this blog. I’m sure a lot of us think this but would never admit to it. I always feel that I don’t fit in because I am so heavy. I always feel that I’m being judged and that people think I am weak but don’t know the real issues that I’ve had in my lifetime that have led me to eat for emotional support. When I do have dinner with a few of my friends once a year from high school they are all very thin and it bugs me that they sit there and talk about her weight and discuss. Meanwhile I don’t say a word but I absolutely feel so different and disgusted when I am around them. I am totally embarrassed about my weight and I always have been. So I understand how you feel about not fitting in. Please keep up your block. I really enjoy reading it.
Thank you for commenting on my blog. I decided to do a blog because I thought that some, if not many people could relate to my experiences and thoughts. I’m so proud of you for sharing your experience and feelings. I’m coming to believe that it’s ok not to fit in. How boring it would be if we were all the same! You’re very pretty and your weight will never take away from that! I hope the blog helps you.